幸福和快乐不是一种必然。
但有你在身边这一切都变得自然。
想你。 很想你。
爱你。 越来越爱你。
happy 1 month anniversary my dear..
it's hard to find someone who appreciates the same thing as you.
i'm missing you already..
played bball with dear, czx, chai and edmund and sharks, i think i'm breaking my toe nails again! zzz.. always like this. hates breaking toe nails and without them!
it has been a while since we got together. yet till now i'm still kinda feeling happily disorientated (yes, in a happy way). what can i say more, he brings out a different me. a different me that smiles everytime he's around and just can't stop smiling.
a happy me means less emo me..
a less emo me means less blogging..
out of singapore for uitm and milo in a week plus time..
intoxicated with dear dear..
have been together for the past 10 days and never enough.
and he's starting work tmr~
miss him..
for the very first time in a very long time, i wanna love somebody.
and i guess i am now..
no more emo me. =)
so much drama for tonight.
let's just wait for good news.
when you missed happiness in your life.
you will just find all means to make yourself happier.
irregardless of the cost involved.
i'm sorry cali.
and you better freaking bowl well with raid.
but, i'm still irrational now. period.
i didn't wanna comment on this.. but here it goes.
i feel like a evil person.
i know i'm irrational. i know i have been ignoring my dear cali because she drilled the ball i like. and yes i'm uber irrational now.
i have my eyes on a bowling ball, raid for a very long time, probably 2 years? plus it's like the same series with gamebreaker (how you know i love my gamebreaker to the core) and it has always been in d shop like forever (yes, because of me). looking for a chance to drill (trying to justify the spending), but i always ended up with other balls that supposedly work better for me given certain circumstances (still the money was set aside for raid). and yesterday my offer to buy the ball was rejected by d, and yes mentioned that it was lp's favourite ball.. i know many of you find it ridiculous that i cry over raid. i didn't know that i have such a big reaction over this issue, i didn't know that i will behave like that. (alright's i have always been thinking that the raid will be mine one day.. no other raid, just the only 14 pounds in d shop.)
i know a lot of you guys are affected by my behaviour. but what's the point of keep telling me that i shouldn't behave like this as i will ruin the relationship with cali, when of course i will defend for myself (and it's getting more irritating). when your "like" is gone, how you expect me to behave as per normal. i hate it the most when i should have just bought it in the first place, probably even before wrath. this is how i process the death of raid, first is of course raid is not mine and next will be start blaming oneself for why i didn't just buy that in the first place.
i have nothing against cali. no one is a victim here and no one is at fault. i didn't want to make things awkward (you think that i want to make myself and cali feel like crap today in training and of course bowl like crap). i didn't know that my heart will ache when i know that i can't buy/have raid. i was still comtemplating if i should go training today cause i know how i will react. it's just that i just can't stand looking at raid on the ball return rack and not owning it, knowing that i should have drill it earlier.
i don't know why i'm so obsessed with raid. it's just bowling. it's just me (i once abandoned bowling, but now it makes a different sense to me). when i like something, it just meant a lot to me. when i can't have something, i need a longer time to comprehend.
you think that i want to make a big hoo-ha out of this.. then just stop asking me how i feel or tell me how i should or shouldn't go about doing things. i'm irritional, angry, pissed, blinded. if bowling didn't hold such priority to me, you think i give crap about buying balls? guard? go milo? go uitm? blah blah? i could have just used the money to buy myself many other things.
probably.. why should i be so bothered about bowling so much..
i think i need to pace myself for bowling.
bowling too much causes the lost of concentration and the increasing the possibility of me flying into the lane.
i'm tired.
somehow today is a emo day?
random people with random grumbles..
here's my guard!
at first i wanted to bling the whole center section, but i think it may be too much..
and now.. i feel like bedazzling everything i see!
spend the afternoon to bling up my new metal bowling guard with swarovski crystals! i might be just a little carried away..
had 4 hours of sep today.. which kinda in turn goes to the fund for my new metal guard. though i have always been avoiding wearing a metal guard, at this point in time it's probably for my best interest. went to d shop to try out a shorter span with my old ball. so proud of myself for not getting lost on the road. was this little tempted to get the team storm spare ball, so little tempted.
tried the ball with a one-to-one consultation with d. will have to adapt to a few changes to my timing.. and yes, a good timing doesn't make you drift much (only 3 boards right today). yes, drifting has been a issue to me. i knew that previously when i take the first shot, i drift 5 boards right and when i take spare shot, drift 1 board right. lolz~ i know i'm ridiculous.
patience + confidence is the key.