i feel sick and tired of living..
once again...
the cycle goes again..
body aching after a session of badminton. was having this conversation about couples on the journey back to dear's place. where dear brought up this topic about not wasting each other's time if both parties or one party find that they can live without the person in his/her life. alrights.. so we were discussing about this and it seems really awkward. silence.. like.. really awkward. i was like "i think this conversation doesn't concern us and so let's just end here." lolx. cause it really sound like we're breaking up though we're talking about a whole different thing.
went bowling as usual on a friday night. tried the 5 step with the addition of the new drills. give up after 6 consistent gutter throws to the same place. yes, i find it very disturbing cause now its very hard to square back my hips so that it doesn't open out so much. took me probably another 1 game to get back my old timing, however there still seems to be something wrong now with the timing.. which comes to say "oh.. not again~". 1 step drill is simple, but when you do the whole routine of 5 steps, it's so different!!!
hence so i question the fact of incorporating the "power bowling drill" in my bowling now when i seems to be doing well. i felt that the dropping of shoulder helps me in staying behind the ball more but with the hand in front, it just felt weird. i mean when i do 5 steps with the hand in front, i have the tendency to open my hips a little in order to make space for the ball plus to get the hand in front. it's like.. how can i not open the hips at all but still make space for the ball and the balance arm to be at the front. here comes the question where, this drill might not be suitable for everyone? especially females when we have bigger hips? well.. there must be a reason for why there's not much female power bowlers around..
i don't know. when i coach the kids with the new drill. i feel that even i can't convince myself that it's good for all of them to learn. during training, i took an hour to understand my line of execution of the ball after i learnt to drop the shoulder.. thus far i have also understand why the kids are having trouble mastering this technique about the vertical motion of delivering the ball. it's not easy, cause your centre of gravity changes and the way you feel about your own execution also changes.
so far where dropping of shoulder helps in my bowling. the part where the balance arm has to be in front may not be necessary beneficial. the question is why can't i just do the vertical motion of the bowling arm (with the shoulder tilted) while delivering the ball without much movement to the balance. there goes to say, not all drills suit everyone.
with the change of timing. i feel really weird, guess my body is in a confuse (shock!) state. my weight transfer tend to be more to the right side now. that's even when the weight is transfer to my left side i still feel that i'm leaning towards the right. hate this.
hence i concluded this for myself. why don't i just do my normal thing with the addition of keeping my chin align with the ball and drop my shoulder more. no more balance arm in front!!
long time no blog. i'm still in my happy self though now with elements of stress rising and my body doesn't seems to be coping well as i'm like forever tired. finished watching "how i met your mother", yes 5 seasons of them till the latest episode under the influence of my dear. strong influence there, cause now i'm even watching pba with him. still comtemplating about revisions for exam. raws~
幸福和快乐不是一种必然。
但有你在身边这一切都变得自然。
想你。 很想你。
爱你。 越来越爱你。
happy 1 month anniversary my dear..
it's hard to find someone who appreciates the same thing as you.
i'm missing you already..
played bball with dear, czx, chai and edmund and sharks, i think i'm breaking my toe nails again! zzz.. always like this. hates breaking toe nails and without them!
it has been a while since we got together. yet till now i'm still kinda feeling happily disorientated (yes, in a happy way). what can i say more, he brings out a different me. a different me that smiles everytime he's around and just can't stop smiling.
a happy me means less emo me..
a less emo me means less blogging..
out of singapore for uitm and milo in a week plus time..
intoxicated with dear dear..
have been together for the past 10 days and never enough.
and he's starting work tmr~
miss him..
for the very first time in a very long time, i wanna love somebody.
and i guess i am now..
no more emo me. =)
so much drama for tonight.
let's just wait for good news.
when you missed happiness in your life.
you will just find all means to make yourself happier.
irregardless of the cost involved.
i'm sorry cali.
and you better freaking bowl well with raid.
but, i'm still irrational now. period.
i didn't wanna comment on this.. but here it goes.
i feel like a evil person.
i know i'm irrational. i know i have been ignoring my dear cali because she drilled the ball i like. and yes i'm uber irrational now.
i have my eyes on a bowling ball, raid for a very long time, probably 2 years? plus it's like the same series with gamebreaker (how you know i love my gamebreaker to the core) and it has always been in d shop like forever (yes, because of me). looking for a chance to drill (trying to justify the spending), but i always ended up with other balls that supposedly work better for me given certain circumstances (still the money was set aside for raid). and yesterday my offer to buy the ball was rejected by d, and yes mentioned that it was lp's favourite ball.. i know many of you find it ridiculous that i cry over raid. i didn't know that i have such a big reaction over this issue, i didn't know that i will behave like that. (alright's i have always been thinking that the raid will be mine one day.. no other raid, just the only 14 pounds in d shop.)
i know a lot of you guys are affected by my behaviour. but what's the point of keep telling me that i shouldn't behave like this as i will ruin the relationship with cali, when of course i will defend for myself (and it's getting more irritating). when your "like" is gone, how you expect me to behave as per normal. i hate it the most when i should have just bought it in the first place, probably even before wrath. this is how i process the death of raid, first is of course raid is not mine and next will be start blaming oneself for why i didn't just buy that in the first place.
i have nothing against cali. no one is a victim here and no one is at fault. i didn't want to make things awkward (you think that i want to make myself and cali feel like crap today in training and of course bowl like crap). i didn't know that my heart will ache when i know that i can't buy/have raid. i was still comtemplating if i should go training today cause i know how i will react. it's just that i just can't stand looking at raid on the ball return rack and not owning it, knowing that i should have drill it earlier.
i don't know why i'm so obsessed with raid. it's just bowling. it's just me (i once abandoned bowling, but now it makes a different sense to me). when i like something, it just meant a lot to me. when i can't have something, i need a longer time to comprehend.
you think that i want to make a big hoo-ha out of this.. then just stop asking me how i feel or tell me how i should or shouldn't go about doing things. i'm irritional, angry, pissed, blinded. if bowling didn't hold such priority to me, you think i give crap about buying balls? guard? go milo? go uitm? blah blah? i could have just used the money to buy myself many other things.
probably.. why should i be so bothered about bowling so much..