i didn't wanna comment on this.. but here it goes.
i feel like a evil person.
i know i'm irrational. i know i have been ignoring my dear cali because she drilled the ball i like. and yes i'm uber irrational now.
i have my eyes on a bowling ball, raid for a very long time, probably 2 years? plus it's like the same series with gamebreaker (how you know i love my gamebreaker to the core) and it has always been in d shop like forever (yes, because of me). looking for a chance to drill (trying to justify the spending), but i always ended up with other balls that supposedly work better for me given certain circumstances (still the money was set aside for raid). and yesterday my offer to buy the ball was rejected by d, and yes mentioned that it was lp's favourite ball.. i know many of you find it ridiculous that i cry over raid. i didn't know that i have such a big reaction over this issue, i didn't know that i will behave like that. (alright's i have always been thinking that the raid will be mine one day.. no other raid, just the only 14 pounds in d shop.)
i know a lot of you guys are affected by my behaviour. but what's the point of keep telling me that i shouldn't behave like this as i will ruin the relationship with cali, when of course i will defend for myself (and it's getting more irritating). when your "like" is gone, how you expect me to behave as per normal. i hate it the most when i should have just bought it in the first place, probably even before wrath. this is how i process the death of raid, first is of course raid is not mine and next will be start blaming oneself for why i didn't just buy that in the first place.
i have nothing against cali. no one is a victim here and no one is at fault. i didn't want to make things awkward (you think that i want to make myself and cali feel like crap today in training and of course bowl like crap). i didn't know that my heart will ache when i know that i can't buy/have raid. i was still comtemplating if i should go training today cause i know how i will react. it's just that i just can't stand looking at raid on the ball return rack and not owning it, knowing that i should have drill it earlier.
i don't know why i'm so obsessed with raid. it's just bowling. it's just me (i once abandoned bowling, but now it makes a different sense to me). when i like something, it just meant a lot to me. when i can't have something, i need a longer time to comprehend.
you think that i want to make a big hoo-ha out of this.. then just stop asking me how i feel or tell me how i should or shouldn't go about doing things. i'm irritional, angry, pissed, blinded. if bowling didn't hold such priority to me, you think i give crap about buying balls? guard? go milo? go uitm? blah blah? i could have just used the money to buy myself many other things.
probably.. why should i be so bothered about bowling so much..