had 4 hours of sep today.. which kinda in turn goes to the fund for my new metal guard. though i have always been avoiding wearing a metal guard, at this point in time it's probably for my best interest. went to d shop to try out a shorter span with my old ball. so proud of myself for not getting lost on the road. was this little tempted to get the team storm spare ball, so little tempted.
tried the ball with a one-to-one consultation with d. will have to adapt to a few changes to my timing.. and yes, a good timing doesn't make you drift much (only 3 boards right today). yes, drifting has been a issue to me. i knew that previously when i take the first shot, i drift 5 boards right and when i take spare shot, drift 1 board right. lolz~ i know i'm ridiculous.
patience + confidence is the key.
gosh, badminton was great! good workout done. cause i'm dropping dead now (really scratched every inch of my muscles). should do this on a regular basis.
will have a good night rest tonight.
力不从心。
讨厌此刻的我。
时间越过越快。。
bowled without a soul today.
speechless by my actions.
damn.
damn.
damn.
i hate myself.
i hate this feeling again.
start of many sleepless nights again.
damn...
i drive myself to town for some retail therapy today! and yes, all alone. alrights, love shopping alone which means that i will tend to spend a lot too. i got my lv neverfull (yeh!), a pair of track shoe, the dkny fresh blossom perfume and a top! retail therapy rocks, but i freaking hate traffic.
freaking spend 1 hour to reach occ from my place cause of the jam at bke. then i freaking rush to the lanes and just in time for the practice throw. i came with a target of 210 average for tonight. i know it's crazy but i need it badly after disappointing myself so much in the first 6 games at a freaking 124 average (which adds on to the countless restless nights i have been having). hence a 210 will at least pull my average to a 150. however, mission not accomplished. i bowled a 192, 203 and then a freaking 133 (slaps myself). gosh, really hate myself for the third game.. i need 1 more chance, 1 more attempt to try for a 215 average, then i can push myself into a 160 average. haiz moody.. i want to bowl the masters..
i officially hate the 3 step drill. i'm so cycle-motor in doing it. and it's everytime!!! it's like i can clearly teach others how to do the 3 steps drill but me! omg, the steps shuffle shuffle, plus the uber late timing. it's really irritating. everytime i do 3 step drill, i will have a very late timing plus a "i accelerated the ball in my backswing coming to the front". and then moving on from there to 5 steps, and yes the timing become late again. damn it. i know that 3 step drill is suppose to aid my bowling, but somehow i just can't coordinate.. argh~
yes, lately i have been in bowling madness. cause i'm not able to forgive myself for the "recent thumb stuck" problem. it's like it shouldn't even be a problem to start with. and yes, i need to take away this fear and build back my confidence again. forcing myself to tighten the thumb hole and try to bowl as frequently as possible. yes, indeed i force myself. just like how i forced myself to reduce my drift.
can't tolerate me not bowling well when i know i should.
bowling makes a person. at least it made me a better person.
i wonder if i have healed. i wonder if i'm still living in denial. i wonder if i'm attempting to make myself tired nowadays so that i will sleep better at night. i thought i have grown up. i thought i have become more sensible.
i don't wish to be damaged anymore.
i don't speak emo.
i don't wish to speak emo.
angry with myself.
resentment.
i have manage to make peace with myself with regards to my screw up bowling lately. first step is to convince myself that i'm better than all else that makes me bowl like crap. second is to start training for uitm selection in 9 hours later. i felt the need, urge and urgency to push myself harder. cause i don't wish to feel that i'm wasting my potential. seriously, bowling bad is not forgivable. dumb bowling is also not acceptable.
clear the mind and don't hold back.
i need to forgive myself. have some faith and trust in myself. burst the denial bubble. love myself more. and stop losing myself. feels like crap.
i want to take control..
sucks.
hate myself tonight. feeling a sense of heartache again. driving myself crazy again. speechless. what can i do to make myself feel better. sick of this foolish me. sick of the aches i bring onto myself. like any typical emo night. once again i wish to slap myself to sleep and forget everything the next morning. once again i'm frustrated with myself for being in this state. once again i break the promise to myself that i will learn to live happier. freak.. everything seems like yesterday. what's the point of changing your hairstyle and lifestyle when deep within you doesn't change..
i have a new mobile toy! finally the latio has landed into my hand with a smiles card + cash card + parking coupons.. except that it really needs some thorough cleaning. daddy says will send for thorough cleaning in and out of the car this weekend.. i'm officially a spoilt brat who doesn't need to go public again!~ now i can go emo shopping as i like. spoilt. spoilt. spoilt.
alrights, macro econs really worries me. or rather ms C worries me more. this is like the first time i feel that i actually need to read up before attending the lecture! time to spend to stock up textbooks.
i just had a totally different hairdo.
straightened.
dyed brown.
cut SHORT!
yes, kinda like chopped off two thirds.
time to utilise all the pretty hairbands~